Postulo vos subsisto
by thousand-miles
Summary: Sometimes when she came back, she looked sad other times she seemed content. He couldn’t get a grip on her. He didn’t understand what was going on. What he did know was that the distance between them was growing.BA


Title: **Postulo vos subsisto**

Author: Geena

Rating: K+

Summary: Sometimes when she came back, she looked sad other times she seemed content. He couldn't get a grip on her. He didn't understand what was going on. What he did know was that the distance between them was growing.

Spoilers: None

A/N: When I first saw 3x01 it was clear that Alex had told Bobby about her pregnancy in private. That made me curious and I decided to write a fic about it. This is what became of it. Thanks to Heather for her beta services! The title means "Need you to be there"

**Postulo vos subsisto**

She'd been more absent lately. Sometimes during one of their cases she would have to go away. She wouldn't tell him why. She only said she'd cleared it with Deakins and that it was okay. He was worried. He didn't know what to think.

She had never left in the middle of a case. Sometimes when she came back, she looked sad other times she seemed content. He couldn't get a grip on her. He didn't understand what was going on. What he did know was that the distance between them was growing. She was keeping him away. She wasn't obvious, she didn't ignore him or stopped talking to him. No, it was more that he sensed she was distancing herself from him, mentally. And it hurt, it was as simply as that.

He didn't know if he'd done something wrong. He didn't feel confident to breech the subject. If he was truly honest he feared she was looking for a new job. All the times she had to go away she'd gone to job interviews, wanting nothing more than to get away from him. Usually he tried to calm himself down when his thoughts would run wild like that, yet he couldn't shake the awful feeling of going on without her.

Today she asked him to come by her place. She had something to tell him. He was nervous, this was the moment she was going to tell him she was going away. Here he was, in front of her door, getting ready to knock, ready to deal with the bad news. He didn't know how he was going to deal with Eames' departure.

A few seconds after he'd knocked, Eames opened the door for him. She seemed as nervous as him.

"Come in."

Quietly Bobby walked into her living room, choosing to sit down on the couch. He hoped she would join him there. He was relieved when she did.

Alex shifted on the couch. She didn't quite know how to break the news to Bobby. It was all so new to her. She wanted to share it with someone…truth be told, not just anyone, but with Bobby. Yet she was apprehensive of his reaction. She didn't know if he would understand. She was also well aware of his fear that she was leaving him. She could see it in his eyes.

"Relax Bobby, I'm not leaving you."

He sighed, relieved that she took away his biggest fear. He smiled at her, nodding for her to continue. With her next words however the fear returned.

"Not yet anyway."

"Wha...what do you mean?"

"I'm pregnant." Looking away from him, her voice was soft.

Bobby couldn't comprehend what she was saying. She was pregnant? How…well he knew how one got pregnant. He hadn't known she was seeing someone. "How… I mean when did you find out?"

"This morning."

"Who's the father?"

Alex started fidgeting with her hands. This was the tough part. Explaining to him the real reasons of her pregnancy. "A little while ago Cassie, my sister, came to me. She…she told me she and David couldn't get pregnant. I knew how badly they wanted a child. I never expected this. She asked me to be a surrogate mother. I'm carrying their child."

A silence fell between them. Bobby was trying to comprehend Alex' words, while Alex waited anxiously on Bobby's reaction.

"I need you to understand this, Bobby. I need you to be there for me. I… I can't do this alone."

He was stunned by her words. She needed him. In his entire life not once had anybody really needed him. He watched her fidgeting with her hands. She was anxious about his reaction. He gently covered her hands with his. Turning her eyes to him she saw a genuine smile on his face.

"Congratulations." He said, pulling her into his arms.

He was the first to really congratulate her. Of course Cassie and David had congratulated her, but that was different. This was really for her. Pulling back out of his warm embrace, Alex whispered a thank you.

"Are.. are you really okay with this?" Bobby asked her. He could imagine how difficult it was going to be for her to give the baby away. To watch it grow up, knowing she'd carried it within her, yet not being able to be a mother.

"I am. I know it's going to be hard. It's just, they deserve this."

"What's going to happen at work? Does Deakins know?"

"No, he doesn't know. I'll still be your partner, Bobby. I guess at some point I'll be on desk duty."

Another silence fell between them, both lost in their own thoughts. It was Alex who suddenly spoke.

"I never expected it to be like this. I mean, Michael and I… we talked about having children. I wasn't ready yet. Things were going good for me at Vice. Michael had another promotion coming up. We wanted to be more secure in our lives before we had children. We thought there would be enough time." Taking a deep breath, Alex continued. "After Michael died I never thought I'd ever be pregnant, nor did I imagine it to be like this. Don't get me wrong, I want to do this. It's just… it brings back memories, thoughts about the future I thought I had with Michael."

To say Bobby was surprised would be an understatement. She'd never talked to him before about Michael. He knew her husband had died in the line of duty. Not once had she uttered a word about it. He'd never dared to raise the subject, afraid of the pain it would cause her. Looking at her now, the sadness in her eyes, he was glad he never had. Yet he was also grateful she was sharing this with him. There were times where he'd wished she would let him in. Sometimes, out of nowhere her eyes would hold such grief or pain. Those times he wanted to wrap her in his arms, wanting her to talk to him. But professionalism always held him back. That and his fear that once he had her in his arms, he wouldn't be able to let go.

"Do you still miss him?"

"Sometimes." What she didn't say was that with Bobby in her life, the loss of Michael had found a place in her heart. At times she still missed him, but not as much as before. When Bobby entered her life he'd carved a niche in her heart. A place, that in a way, Michael had occupied before. Slowly his place had gotten bigger to this point where she realized how much she was going to need him in the next months.

"You wanna stay?" She asked him, hoping he would say yes. She liked having him around. Especially now with all these thoughts in her head.

He smiled at her, that cute little smile not many got to see. "Yeah. You choose a movie, I'll get us something to drink."

Alex smiled at his retreating form. She knew with Bobby at her side, she could do this.

The End


End file.
